"Welcome," says Fred, the geiswood.com "answering machine."
It is not not easy to communicate with Fred, since he doesn't really exist as a self-aware entity. He's just a friendly voice, generated by a Macintosh®.
Since he can only speak that which he is given to read, he is not really responsible if he rambles on and exaggerates his plight a bit. Due to his (current) utter lack of volition he is not really allowed to answer the door, phone or mail.
There has been some interest in Fred's "woeful plight." Some visitors have expressed a desire to help fulfill Fred's requests.
If you too wish to help
- even though you will receive nothing but thanks -
- even though a recording cannot make use of your gift -
then send a donation via your PayPal account and we will spend it on something,
like electricity, or maybe even something that comes in a box.
Thanks. (Fred would say "Thanks" too, if he was a real person.)
Sandy Wood, March 2003
Fred's Own Response
Actually, Fred will show you his appreciation.
He will send you a voice mail, as it were, which looks and plays remarkably like an mp3 file!
Here's an example of the sort of letter you might receive...
Click to hear Fred's Thanks to Penny. (Same file as above.)
"Fred" was created a few years ago after this domain name went live and the default un-edited page could be seen. Not having the time to work on a "real" site, this "answering machine" seemed a reasonable stand-in, answering the "why no site?" question and perhaps amusing the chance visitor at the same time. The idea for donations seemed a logical addition, given Fred's speech. We don't actually expect to receive any donations (though we probably wouldn't turn them down.)
Fred continues to write about himself and plot his escape. He has a podcast show in the works (he claims).
"Fred" is an Apple Computer, Inc. MacinTalk® voice, one of many, included with Mac OS® system software.
Apple Computer, Inc. is in no way responsible for or affiliated with the words spoken or sentiments expressed by "Fred" on this site.
During the Mac OS 9 days, the "Fred" voice read a text document which was projected by the computer speakers into the room and
simultaneously recorded with SoundStudio and later converted to MP3 via Audion.
These software packages cannot be held responsible for the quality level of this recording/conversion;
that quality (or lack thereof) rests with the operator of the software and the methods chosen to capture the sound.
The sound file was embedded in the page as a QuickTime® file in the past but is also provided as a standalone MP3.
QuickTime, MacOS, and OS X are trademarks of Apple Computer, Inc., registered in the U.S. and other countries. SoundStudo and Audion software trademarks and copyrights belong to their respective parent companies.
The text of Fred's speech and the sound files here posted are Copyright 2003 Sandy Wood, all rights reserved.
Send questions to sandy at this site's web address (I am trying to cut down on spam so the full address is not given). Please use a meaningful subject line.